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Earthly consequences of sin
two cents
My heart's desire is to be found in the loving gaze of Hervey again. I miss his love so much. We are taking a break. I need this as much as he does. I need this time to be wholly focused on the Lord. He has been so faithful. He has been filling my days with wonderful knowledge of My Savior still my heart aches for Hervey. I miss the affection of his presence. I long for our passionate moments. Yesterday, this want of him pushed me away from the Lord. Rather than seeking Him and His presence, I sought my own means of coping. I self medicated. I drank and ate. Watched sappy movies. I wasted nearly all of the money I had. I praise God because through my sister, who preached at church this morning, and the intercession of the Holy Spirit I was able to recognize why I had made these decisions.

Today, while in the presence of the Lord He made me aware of something else as well. See, I had been contemplating the earthly consequences of sin. Why is it that Hervey cannot forgive me? I understand why not, in a human sense but if he is seeking the presence of God, which I pray he is, then will or can God allow him to truly forgive me and be in love with me again. I thought about yesterday. I nearly emptied my bank account satisfying my wants. I will have to be extra careful until payday comes...and even after I receive this upcoming check because I've impacted that budget as well. Hervey's love may be like my bank account. I have simply depleted the funds of his love with my sins.

It is not my place to question whether or not God will choose to restore us. It is ok that my heart wants him and wants his love. What I have to recognize is that my heart needs the love of God. He is my beginning and end. I do not exists outside of Him. He is all that I need. He knows that I want. He knows our nature. I pray and I must seek Him in all things. Even bitter weeping desires of my heart.


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